MW My husband, 73, is giving me a life estate in his home, yet leaving his son a $200K Porsche. Is this cause for divorce?
By Quentin Fottrell
'I am not listed on his bank accounts'
"I am 70 and could move to a less-expensive town and survive, but I hate to start over at my age." (Photo subject is a model.)
Dear Quentin,
I'm following up on my earlier letter about my husband, who would not write a will but did write a prenup that excluded me.
We finally met with a lawyer to draw up wills. I am still feeling unsure. The lawyer was not concerned about the prenup, but said a will can override it. My husband is setting up a trust and giving me a lifetime estate in his home, but the funds will only cover half of the costs to live here.
I could sell it and split the proceeds with his son, whom he has not seen in 12 years. He is naming his son and I as co-executors of his estate. His son will inherit his $200,000 Porsche. I am not listed on his bank accounts. He is 73 and in early-stage blood cancer. We have been married for 10 years.
Meanwhile, he nickel-and-dimes me constantly. I contribute half to the household expenses, even though I earn one-third of what he earns. I am considering calling it quits. I am 70 and could move to a less-expensive town and survive, but I hate to start over at my age.
Does this sound like it will be a big mess if he passes away?
The Wife
Related: I'm 83 and will have $500K if I sell my house. My estranged wife wants me to join her in Colombia. Do I go?
You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com. The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.
His offer of a life estate is, on the face of it, generous.
Dear Wife,
You're getting a good deal in this relationship.
From your previous letter, your husband has $1 million in real estate. Selling your house would net you $125,000. You have a $1,200-a-month pension, while he has $300,000 in savings and a $200,000 car, in addition to his Social Security. He's in much better financial shape and, as you have been married just 10 years, has more leverage.
What strikes me most about your letter is that it's solely related to finances, and, if you are not satisfied with the outcome of your negotiations over his estate, you will consider leaving him. I'm not sure that's the best basis for a happy marriage and/or fulfilling life. His offer of a life estate is, on the face of it, generous.
It's not a mess. It's just an estate plan that you don't necessarily agree with. I assume you would prefer your husband to leave his estate to you free and clear. I suspect there are other underlying issues with your marriage and his decision is not purely based on the fact that he has a son and that you have only been married for 10 years.
What is messy is the co-executor plan: You will be made executor of a will that you clearly disagree with and your husband and his son have not seen each other in 12 years. Executors have a fiduciary responsibility to carry out the terms of the will faithfully. The plan to appoint you and your stepson sounds like a recipe for conflict.
If you disagreed about how to handle the estate, your stepson could hold up probate (or vice versa) - leading not only to time delays, but added expense as you try to resolve your legal issues. Your stepson is estranged from your father and may even be unhappy with your being given a life estate in his father's home.
Life estates, wills and prenups
But there are other issues that you may have misunderstood: First, a "life estate" gives you the right to live in his home for the rest of your life, and normally you would have to pay 100% of the costs (property tax and upkeep) for that privilege. You will have 50% of those costs covered, but you won't have the legal right to sell the home.
Prenuptial agreements primarily govern how assets and debts are classified and divided if a couple divorces, identifying what property belongs to each spouse individually and what is considered marital property. They can also include waivers of spousal inheritance or elective share rights upon death.
If one spouse dies without a will or trust, the prenup's classification of separate versus marital property applies; the deceased spouse's separate property passes according to state intestate succession laws. However, if the prenup includes a valid waiver of inheritance rights, the surviving spouse may be excluded from receiving a statutory share of that property.
If the deceased spouse later creates a valid will or trust that leaves property - even separate property - to the surviving spouse, that estate plan usually prevails. The prenup does not prevent a spouse from voluntarily making gifts to the other through a will or trust. Still, if the terms of a later estate plan conflict with binding provisions in the prenup, the outcome may depend on how the documents are drafted and on applicable state law.
Bottom line: Prenuptial agreements set the ground rules for property division upon divorce and can waive a spouse's automatic inheritance rights at death, but they do not stop a spouse from later choosing to leave property to the other through a will or trust.
Perspective from a stepchild
One Moneyist Facebook Group member gave the flipside of your dilemma, from the perspective of a stepchild. "My stepdad remarried when he was in his late 60s to a much younger woman. He and my mom had set up a trust and it was supposed to split four ways between his two kids and my mom's two," they wrote.
"After he married, he dissolved the trust and cut contact. I found out that everything he had built over a 30-plus-year marriage with my mom was going to his new wife. This includes the family inheritance from his parents that rightfully belongs to his boys. For me, I was more hurt that he cut contact with grandkids."
"It's quite honestly best for older people to just not get married late in life," they added. "I will state without reservation that his second wife is a gold digger who went after him the minute my mom was dead. They were married a year after she died. She is the one behind cutting contact and behind selling the house and dissolving the trust."
You've both passed your Full Retirement Age $(FRA)$ and, as you earn one-third of your husband's earnings, you may be better off getting spousal benefits, which could yield you up to 50% of your husband's Social Security amount, if you receive less. (Couples need to be married for 1 year and be 62 years of age.)
If your husband does predecease you, you would also be entitled to 100% of his Social Security amount. You would still be eligible for this if you divorce because you are in your 70s (you need to be 60 or older and married for at least 9 months). So you can factor that into your retirement plan as a widow or divorcee.
There is one thing clear in your letter: Given your comment about your husband nickel-and-diming you, it does seem like you have different approaches to money. You met when he was 63, and nearing the end of his working life, so chances are, in a divorce, you would not see the lion's share of the money he earned before you met.
Your husband is bringing a lot to the party.
Related: 'We can't afford to buy a house': My husband and I are building a house on my mother-in-law's land. Are we asking for trouble?
Check out the Moneyist private Facebook group, where members help answer life's thorniest money issues. Post your questions, or weigh in on the latest Moneyist columns.
Previous columns by Quentin Fottrell:
'He lives paycheck to paycheck': My husband pays his bills late and sits at home playing on his computer. How do I fix it?
My girlfriend, a widow in her 40s, pays off her credit card after every transaction. Is that weird?
My siblings don't earn nearly as much as me. Should my parents leave me less money in their will?
By emailing your questions to the Moneyist or posting your dilemmas on the Moneyist Facebook group, you agree to have them published anonymously on MarketWatch.
-Quentin Fottrell
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November 12, 2025 10:37 ET (15:37 GMT)
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