By Vincent O'Keefe
Several years ago, when my daughters were 20 and 17, my wife and I were in our living room excited to watch the season premiere of "The Bachelor" as a family. My daughters shared popcorn and watched with rapt attention as the contestants vying for Matt James's heart made their grand entrances from a limousine.
Then it happened.
After exiting the car, one contestant decided to break the ice with Matt by presenting him with a large purple vibrator. I squirmed, then froze in my chair, trying to conceal my cringe. I prayed to be anywhere else, like maybe at the hospital passing a kidney stone. The sound of popcorn-chewing ceased, and we all just kept staring at the television, avoiding eye contact well beyond the end of the scene.
Why on earth, you are probably asking yourself, was I watching this with my kids?
When my daughters were young, they liked to watch "American Idol" and "America's Got Talent." My wife and I watched too as another chance to bond with them. As they grew, they "graduated" to reality dating shows like "The Bachelor," "The Bachelorette" and "Love Is Blind." Like many parents, I had reservations about these shows. Visions of surgically enhanced contestants throwing drinks on each other in bleep-filled tantrums troubled me. What if my daughters started thinking that was "the norm" in relationships?
But as my daughters' lives became busier and more private, I missed the closeness we shared in their younger years. Watching these dating shows together was another rapidly waning opportunity to connect with them. So I made a point to watch the shows with them as much as possible.
Then something surprising happened. I realized I had gotten it wrong about these shows.
First, the many breakups gave us an opportunity to discuss how the cast members treated each other. We found ourselves talking to our daughters about handling such interactions with self-respect, dignity and empathy -- and avoiding their unhealthy opposites.
As parents of young women, my wife and I often had to provide comfort during real-life relationship crises. Little did we know that reality shows would give us examples of how to end a relationship responsibly. Lines like "you deserve to find your person" and "I just can't get there" might sound superficial, but the shows' modeling of difficult, face-to-face conversations was a helpful counterpoint to breakups via texting, blocking, unfollowing or ghosting.
Before watching these shows, I also never realized how often 20-somethings refer to their parents' relationship when describing what they want -- or do not want -- in their own love lives. I remember one contestant saying "I want to find a person who treats me the way my dad treats my mom."
That comment showed me that in some ways, every parent is starring in a reality show at home, with their kids glued to the screen. It also compelled me to step up my marital game by planning more date nights, taking more walks together and finally memorizing my wife's coffee order.
Granted, I do not endorse everything about reality dating shows. "Love Island" is a bridge too far for me. And enduring the icebreaker incident on "The Bachelor" with my daughters was certainly a long way from having tea parties with their American Girl dolls when they were little.
But watching such interactions together, even if we are just interjecting the occasional comment as we sit shoulder-to-shoulder on the couch, makes a difference. The cringiest moments have been worth it.
Vincent O'Keefe is a writer and former at-home dad.
(END) Dow Jones Newswires
December 11, 2025 16:05 ET (21:05 GMT)
Copyright (c) 2025 Dow Jones & Company, Inc.
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