MW 'I feel pressured': My husband has early Alzheimer's and wants to visit Europe, but I'm terrified of flying. What should I do?
By Quentin Fottrell
'My husband's memory is still good, but he has lost some executive function'
"We hope to visit Italy, France, Germany and Spain. I've also thought about taking river cruises in some countries." (Photo subjects are models.)
Dear Quentin,
I am in my late 60s, and my husband is in his early 70s. He has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. He has always wanted to visit Germany, as both his parents were of German descent. I have always wanted to visit Europe for an extended period so we could see multiple countries. But I am terrified of flying.
All this is to say that I feel pressured by my husband's diagnosis, I am running out of time - and overwhelmed trying to plan an extended trip while also considering the costs. I understand that everything is very expensive, but this would be the trip of a lifetime.
My husband's memory is still good, but he has lost some executive function and his physical condition is limited. He can probably walk about 45 minutes at a steady, moderate pace. Someone estimated costs at $1,000 per day per person - staying at 4- or 5-star hotels, using private transportation and avoiding lines for sightseeing.
We hope to visit Italy, France, Germany and Spain. I've also thought about taking river cruises in some countries. To add to the complexity, I am terrified of flying, so we would likely need to book a transatlantic cruise to and from Europe. My 80-year-old sister, who is in very good health, might join us for part of the trip - she can fly.
We both cared for our parents until my dad passed away a year ago at the age of 107. We feel we deserve to treat ourselves.
Reluctant Flier
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You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com. The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.
Commercial flying is the safest form of transportation per capita and per mile, followed by train and bus travel.
Dear Reluctant,
Two things can be true at once: Your very real fear of flying, which can result in very real physical and psychological distress, and your husband's window of time to take this trip.
I'm not here to persuade you to fly if it frightens you that much. However, commercial flying is the safest form of transportation per capita and per mile, followed by train and bus travel. Cars, which we jump into every day without a second thought, are not as safe statistically. Motorcycles, meanwhile, have one of the highest fatality rates.
Your husband's diagnosis adds more time pressure to your planning, but look at it another way: Many couples of your age dream and plan and imagine a trip of a lifetime but, without a medical diagnosis to remind them that time runs out for all of us, they never end up taking the trip at all. This health news has lit a fire under you. As you say, you both deserve it.
There are two things missing from your letter: your budget and your monthly income. Of course, you don't want to go into debt for this vacation, especially when you are facing a journey in which your husband's health will inevitably decline. People with Alzheimer's can live eight to 10 years after their first symptoms appear, and in some cases much longer.
The easiest way for you to organize this trip would be to hire a vacation planner. They can make all the bookings and will take into account both of your needs and limitations. You could, for example, book a return voyage on the Queen Mary for $2,500 per person for an interior cabin. The more luxurious the cabin - a suite with a balcony, for example - the pricier it becomes ($7,000 per person or more).
You can travel around Europe on a quite modest budget using Uber, trains and Airbnb.
You can travel on a quite modest budget using Uber, trains and buses and staying in basic hotels, pensions and Airbnbs $(ABNB)$ (you could even rent out your own home to help cover the cost of your trip). Just check that any accommodations are on the ground floor or have an elevator. You could easily book a pied-a-tierre in Paris, for example, for $200 a night. (If you were a flyer, I'd mention Ryanair $(RYAAY)$ and EasyJet (UK:EZJ).)
If you're an organized person and you don't care to hire a travel adviser, you could also plan this vacation yourself. Train travel is relatively cheap in Europe, compared with the U.S., at least. You can buy an unlimited bus/rail ticket in Germany for EUR63 (equivalent to $73) per month. (For those who do fly, there are plenty of low-fare airlines like Ryanair and EasyJet that can take you from country to country for less than $100.)
River Cruise Advisor last month listed what it considers the seven best European cruises (treat it as a guide rather than gospel). It celebrates the Moselle River, which flows through France, Luxembourg and Germany, for its vineyards and fairy-tale villages; the Rhône, which winds through Switzerland and France; and the Seine for Parisian charm, medieval towns and Normandy's historical sites.
The publication also recommends the Danube, which flows through 10 European countries; the Rhine, which rises in the Swiss Alps and passes through Liechtenstein, Austria, Germany, France and the Netherlands; the Douro, which flows from Spain to Portugal; and the Bordeaux region, which it says pairs water travel with easy access to Paris.
Traveling with a chronic illness
Another consideration before you step onto a cruise ship, boat or train: Most standard travel-insurance policies do not cover pre-existing medical conditions like Alzheimer's disease. Failing to be transparent about your husband's health condition could void his entire policy. Expect to pay higher premiums or even to be denied coverage for certain conditions.
AARP has this list of items to have on hand if you are traveling with a loved one who has Alzheimer's: a health-insurance card, a living will and power-of-attorney documents, incontinence supplies, a door alarm to prevent your loved one from leaving your accommodations unnoticed, a gait belt to help reduce the risk of falls, an ID bracelet and tracking device, and signs to mark bathroom and exit doors.
The Moneyist Facebook (META) Group weighed in on your letter, and one person had five-star advice to keep in mind for your trip. "You're trying to do too much - and I say that kindly," he wrote. "With your husband's condition, limited stamina and everyone's ages, this trip needs to be about comfort and meaningful time together, not covering four countries."
Another member was equally supportive in a different way: "GO!" he wrote. "I know several people who have taken European river cruises and loved them. They liked the smaller boats, dealing with fewer people, the excursions, and not having to unpack all the time. You and your husband deserve this trip and time together."
Most standard travel-insurance policies do not cover pre-existing medical conditions like Alzheimer's disease.
There are also support groups that can help you and your spouse, such as the Alzheimer's Association. Nearly 7 million Americans have this disease, which is one of many forms of dementia. Nearly two-thirds of people with Alzheimer's are women, and older Black Americans are about twice as likely as white Americans to have this disease.
As baby boomers and Gen X-ers age, the number of Alzheimer's patients will increase. "As the size of the U.S. population aged 65 and older continues to grow, so too will the number and proportion of Americans with Alzheimer's or other dementias," the Alzheimer's Association says. By 2050, the number is projected to reach 12.7 million.
There are some non-vacation-related items for your to-do list, as well: create power-of-attorney documents while your husband is of sound mind and has the legal capacity to sign off on them. The power of attorney should be "durable" and specify that you will make decisions on his behalf when he is incapacitated or otherwise unable to do so himself.
A power of attorney for healthcare decisions will ensure that he has someone to act on his behalf in a medical context. If he does not wish to be on life support, for example, this advance-healthcare directive would say so. A living will or living trust can provide additional instructions for his estate. Putting assets in a trust will allow you to avoid probate.
Give yourselves plenty of down time while you're traveling. If you do that, you can take a longer trip and really enjoy the here and now. Focusing on one or two places may create a more restful vacation.
Related: 'I plan to take out a mortgage': My father died. Should I buy the family home from my mom at a 40% discount?
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-Quentin Fottrell
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April 10, 2026 11:02 ET (15:02 GMT)
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