MW When couples have a PTO gap, it can take a big toll on their relationship
By Aditi Shrikant
'Gap relationships,' where there is a discrepancy between how two people operate their lives, have become a topic of interest - and ire
The U.S. is one of the few developed nations in the world where there is no federal, legally mandated paid time off. (Photo subjects are models.)
James Lee, a Charlotte, N.C.-based photographer, made a promise to himself and his wife Caley that he would not work on their honeymoon. But when the NBA's Charlotte Hornets called and asked if he was free for a project, he felt like he didn't have a choice.
"If it had been for a smaller client, I wouldn't have answered," said James, 38. While he put together a pitch and fielded calls, Caley, 34, went to the spa. This sort of work-life cross-contamination is a common occurrence for the couple. Being a freelance photographer means that James has no paid time off. Caley's situation is very different.
"I work in finance and have a corporate job, so I have paid time off for holidays and vacation days," she said. "James, if he is not working, he is not making money, so he makes his own schedule, but there pretty much is no paid time off for him." Sometimes taking calls from Italy, as James did, is worth it. In this case, the Hornets ended up going with a different photographer.
Like many couples, the two are in a paid-time-off or PTO gap relationship, meaning one person has much more paid time off than the other.
"Gap relationships," meaning there is a large discrepancy between how two people operate, have become a topic of interest and ire. Stories about couples with "swag gaps," meaning one partner dresses significantly better, or "restaurant gaps," where one person likes going out to eat more, have proliferated across the internet.
Similar financial gaps punctuate social-media platforms. One post on X observes that San Francisco partnerships have a "tech gap" (like startup vs. FAANG, which stands for "Facebook (META), Apple $(AAPL)$, Amazon (AMZN), Netflix $(NFLX)$, and Google $(GOOG)$"). Or the "hustle gap" (where one partner is hustling for business like James, or even building the next would-be unicorn).
In New York, there's a "borough gap" (Manhattan vs. Brooklyn). The trend persists outside the U.S., too. Another post on X lists the gap relationships that exist in Delhi, India, including a "wedding gap" (farmhouse vs. banquet hall).
Some of these differences, like not eating the same breakfast, aren't as obviously tied to finances. Having a different amount of paid time off as your partner, though, can affect how you work, vacation and raise children. This issue is especially stark in the U.S., as it is one of the few developed nations where there is no federal, legally mandated paid time off.
'Who owns this resource?'
Friction in relationships can arise when the partners don't agree on whether paid time off is a shared resource or an individual one, says Los Angeles-based financial therapist Amanda Clayman.
Because her husband got two weeks of paid time off and she got none, Clayman always assumed he would be the one to stay home when their child fell sick. This assumption did not sit well with him.
"He was frustrated," she said. "He felt like he was juggling a lot at work, and his availability should not be reduced to how much PTO he has."
Eventually, the two explicitly talked about how they wanted his paid time off to factor into their parenting strategy. Now, instead of assuming his PTO will go toward childcare, they discuss each instance. Like many financial conversations, she says, it's an ongoing one.
"When it comes to PTO, when we have this resource in the system, who owns this resource and how is this resource distributed?" she said. "What are we using it for?"
Doctor's appointments are affected
Diana Baratta, an SEO and communications manager in northern New Jersey, has 28 paid days off a year. She and her husband Leo, a marketing manager, were planning a trip to Colorado until the two, both in their 30s, realized that Leo did not have as much paid time off as he thought.
"He misread the policy and he got me very excited," she said. "I was about to book the flight to Colorado and he stopped me cold in my tracks and said, 'I lied. I don't have five PTO days, I have five PTO hours.'"
The two cancelled the trip. "I was devastated," Diana said. "I was so excited to go. We told his stepbrother, who lives there, so he had cleared his schedule. I had to tell him that we can't go anymore. We still haven't gone."
Right now, they are pursuing in vitro fertilization, which requires many doctor's appointments. "I'm okay to take off, but he doesn't have that flexibility," she said. "Instead of using PTO, because he doesn't have any, he has been requesting sick days. There is some friction involved. It's a lot of jumping through hoops."
Diana Baratta and her husband Leo.
Nontraditional hours can be a good thing
It took James and Caley a few years to figure out patterns in James' work - times he could leave Charlotte and not miss a consequential number of opportunities. His slow season, though, often doesn't align with Caley's.
"July is pretty dead," he said. "Everyone is on summer vacation and they aren't starting up projects. If I want to go somewhere in July, she can't because she has a big project and she has clients depending on her, so that's when I wish she could make her own schedule."
But with the arrival of their new baby, the two found that James' nontraditional hours can save them money. "James has the flexibility - and became the primary caregiver during the day, and we were not having to pay for consistent childcare all the time," she said.
However, the unpredictability of his career does mean that he has to forfeit income to stay at home. In one instance, a client called him for a job with just a couple of days' notice. Caley could not take time off immediately, so the two were searching for a last-minute sitter.
"I don't have much family here, and she has no family here," James said. "It's not like we can call parents for backup care. I had to turn down the job."
To address their PTO gap, the two accepted that James will pretty much always be on the clock.
"There have been times where he is talking to potential clients and it's after work for them, but it's 11 p.m. for us wherever we are," Caley said. "I think a lot of people, when they go on vacation, they totally sign off and disconnect, but he stays connected."
-Aditi Shrikant
This content was created by MarketWatch, which is operated by Dow Jones & Co. MarketWatch is published independently from Dow Jones Newswires and The Wall Street Journal.
(END) Dow Jones Newswires
May 11, 2026 16:21 ET (20:21 GMT)
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