MW I'm supporting friends through breakups, layoffs and family deaths. Are Uber Eats gift cards appropriate?
By Aditi Shrikant
'The costs are starting to rack up'
"I'm also trying to better balance the emotional commitment and avoid overextending myself." (Photo subjects are models.)
Dear Dollar Signs,
I've had a really expensive year when it comes to friendships. A lot of my friends are getting married, of course, but many of them have also been dealing with heavy personal news: breakups, layoffs and the deaths of family members and friends.
My go-to way of showing support is usually spending time with them or sending Uber Eats gift cards, but the costs are starting to add up. Do you have any tips on how I can support them without spending a ton of money?
I want to help them get out of the house and have some fun, but it all adds up. I'm also trying to better balance the emotional commitment and avoid overextending myself - whether that means spending hours listening to everyone or trying to fix everything.
Burnout BFF
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Dear BFF,
As the platitude goes, the cost of community is convenience. If many of your friends are going through a rough patch, the reality is that you'll have to shoulder some of that sadness and stress.
However, some ways of being inconvenienced are more draining than others. Varying how you show up for someone can keep you from overextending yourself both emotionally and financially.
For example, an Uber Eats gift card is nice, but having them over for dinner is, too. Even if you end up spending $50 on groceries, you're also getting a meal out of it. The same goes for grabbing drinks. A good cocktail could cost you $15 to $20. Instead, invite them over for wine at your house. It's far more economical.
I'll spare you the advice about going on a long walk. I assume that if your friend is the type of person for whom a stroll could substitute for a strong drink, you'd already know that. But you could suggest accompanying them to run errands. Going to the post office or grocery store gives them the opportunity to unload while also allowing you both to cross something off your to-do lists.
I'd also encourage you to think about what else you can offer besides an empathetic ear.
"Oftentimes, we think emotional support is the most valuable," says Thema Bryant, a psychologist and professor at Pepperdine University. "But there are other ways you can make your friend's life a bit easier."
'Mundane' ways to help
Instrumental support, for example, involves offering practical help. Watching their dog, dropping off their dry cleaning or picking up a package are all forms of care. One of the hardest parts of grief is reckoning with the fact that life doesn't stop and the most mundane tasks still need doing, even when your internal landscape feels shattered.
"Helping people with practical things doesn't take much from us emotionally, but it's still useful," Bryant says.
You could also provide informational support, such as helping research next steps. If your friend gets laid off, offer to send their résumé around. If they are moving out of the apartment they shared with their ex, contact movers and ask for estimates.
Still, during difficult times, many people just want attention and affection. So it's important to build some structure around how much time and energy you give someone navigating a stressful milestone.
"Release yourself from all-or-nothing thinking," Bryant says. "Sometimes we operate thinking, 'If I'm going to be there for them, that means limitless attention.'"
This isn't true. You can be a good friend and have healthy boundaries.
How to conserve your energy
This is one of the rare times when one-sided phone calls aren't a bad thing, says Nedra Glover Tawwab, a therapist and author of "Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself."
Ultimately, you can't do anything to "fix" the problem. In fact, offering a silver lining can feel dismissive, as though you're minimizing their pain or frustration. You're just there to witness their grief and validate their emotions.
"Sometimes you can put a person on speaker and they are really talking to themselves," she says. "You don't have to problem-solve. You don't have to do anything physical or financial."
If you don't have the capacity for a phone call, send a text letting them know you're thinking about them. These small check-ins can feel meaningful.
Don't forget to take care of yourself. Let other people in your life know that one or two of your friends need extra attention right now, so you may be less available to those who aren't experiencing a unique tragedy or transition.
Do what gives you energy, Bryant says, whether it's meditating, journaling or increasing the cadence of your therapy sessions. "A well-cared-for friend is actually a better friend," she says.
Relationships are work
It sounds to me like this season of your life will be about others, and that's OK.
"We have to sacrifice ourselves so we can be there for people the way we want them to be there for us," Tawwab says.
Support of this magnitude will always feel imposing.
"It's always a bad time," Tawwab says. "Nobody dies at the perfect time for us. No one loses their job when we have endless time to hear them talk."
Unless you're dealing with a friend who needs constant, long-term support, it helps to remember that, for most people, these brutal, life-changing experiences are relatively rare.
After experiencing "heavy personal news," as you put it, one of the most painful realities to reckon with is that life does go on. Eventually, though, most people become grateful for that fact - or at least less burdened by it.
Remember, you're not there to fix anything, but to help ferry them through this difficult time. And you can only do that if you're also taking care of yourself.
Write to Dollar Signs at dollarsigns@marketwatch.com.
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-Aditi Shrikant
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March 19, 2026 10:24 ET (14:24 GMT)
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