MW 'It's complicated': My husband, 61, wants to leave me everything. His kids will hate me. What should I do?
By Quentin Fottrell
'I would likely give little to nothing to his children because they are irresponsible spendthrifts'
"I think a fairer approach would be for a large percentage to go to me, with the remainder split between his kids." (Photo subject is a model.)
Dear Quentin,
What are some fair ways for a later-in-life marriage to disperse wealth or plan for end of life? I'm 44 and my husband is 61; we're both in great health. I have no children, and he has two adult children. I also have nieces whom we are very close to.
We recently experienced some family deaths, which inspired us to get organized. We each brought approximately $200,000 into the relationship. Our combined net worth is now about $1.5 million and growing.
His children are financially unstable, though we do not support them. My fear is that they would feel entitled to everything their father has, despite never being told or led to believe that. I know it's complicated.
I guess my real question is: In later-in-life marriages, is it typical for an older husband to leave everything to his younger wife, or should there be some sort of split upon death? What's a fair way to assess it?
Opposing sides
Ironically, we're on opposing sides. He wants to leave everything to me, but not tell his children, which would make me public enemy No. 1. I think a fairer approach would be for a large percentage to go to me, with the remainder split between his kids.
I will uphold his wishes, but if I outlive him and there's no agreement in place, I would likely give little to nothing to his children because they are irresponsible spendthrifts. On the flip side, if he outlives me, how do I financially protect my nieces?
We just want to do right by everyone. I know it's a personal choice, but I'm curious how other Moneyist readers have approached this. We want to iron this out before putting anything in writing and filing with an attorney.
Wife & Stepmom
Related: After 46 years working, I'm not retiring - instead, I take a vacation every month. Is that a good life in your 70s?
You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com. The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.
Don't expect a five-star review from your stepchildren.
Dear Stepmom,
Whatever you do, you won't be thanked for it.
That's rather gloomy, but don't seek or expect a five-star review from your stepchildren, especially with two adult children whose needs are exacerbated by their own financial instability and likely growing resentment that their father has enough money to answer all of their problems, but has married a woman 20 years younger.
Does that sound harsh? If so, I hope it lights a fire under you. Whatever you do, it should be decisive. Take emotion out of your decision. If you try to please everyone, you will end up pleasing no one, least of all your good self. If you try to please them halfway by giving them a portion of their father's wealth, they will end up wanting more.
Let's say you give them $100,000 each - basically what your husband brought into the marriage and is technically considered separate property. They may cash the proverbial check before the sun sets on the bank that day, but their gratitude will soon give way to curiosity ("How much did SHE get?") and soon it will lead to confusion and resentment.
Related: 'I have lost nearly everything': My mother's trustee changed her $1 million will and my attorney fleeced me. What can I do?
Marital property belongs to you
You built up assets of $1.5 million as a couple. That is marital property that should go wholly to your husband upon your death and to you upon his death. No one - not his children or your nieces or the next-door neighbor's second cousin twice removed - has a right to that money. It's your marriage, your money, your life.
If you start bending and twisting your wants and wishes and morals and boundaries to suit other people, you will experience a lifetime of being provoked, manipulated and coerced into doing what other people want you to do. That's why I say you should take a cold, hard look at the situation and the players, and suit yourself.
You are not living your life and creating wealth for retirement so you can set a significant percentage aside for his two children. There are two people in this marriage, not four. By all means, your husband can communicate in broad terms that a trust will only be dispersed upon your death. But resist any bullying or intrusive questions.
Don't miss: 'I'm experiencing issues with arthritis': I'm 68 with $3 million saved. Why am I not ready for a life of leisure?
Advice from another stepmom
A member of the Moneyist's Facebook group shares your experience: "I am 47, and my husband would be 65 if he were still alive today. He died very unexpectedly three years ago. We had been married for 13 years. He had two adult children, while I don't have any children of my own, though I do have a younger cousin that I'm very close with."
"My husband came into the marriage with a net worth of $500,000, and I had $200,000," she adds. "During our marriage, we built a rental business together and had accumulated several million dollars by the time he died. We had created our wills before building that wealth, and both of our wills simply left everything to the other spouse."
Her relationship with her stepkids turned sour, though she gave them each $100,000. "It played out very ugly. When money is involved, everyone seems to come for it, and it feels so uncomfortable and sad. Both of his kids were so angry that they weren't entitled to a large amount directly in his will that they couldn't see past it."
Related: 'I have no savings': I'm inheriting $400,000. I'm 64 with $900 in Social Security. What should I do?
Giving $100,000 to each child
You can put your assets into a qualified terminable interest property (QTIP) trust, family trust or life-interest trust - then what? You will hopefully live another 40 years, by which time your assets will have grown considerably. The trust could leave $100,000 to each of your nieces if you die first, and $100,000 each to his kids if he goes first.
Any prospective heirs will then have to rely on their own skills to build their finances, rather than relying on a third party. You could split your estate four ways (25% each, if you have two nieces). Or give your two stepchildren 25%, and split the rest between your nieces and charities. Also, create a will, powers of attorney and health directives.
Do what you feel is right. There are no right or wrong answers to how blended families arrange their estate planning. You do not need to give your stepchildren a full accounting of your estate plan. They may see you as public enemy No. 1 whether or not you try to appease and include them. Instead, take your spouse's lead. It's your blood, sweat and tears.
Honor what you and your husband have created together.
Related: 'I didn't ask a man to rear-end my car': Social Security is replacing my disability benefits. Will the fund run out of money?
More columns from Quentin Fottrell:
'I don't own a home': I'm 62, unemployed and have $1.5 million for retirement. Can I afford to divorce my husband?
'My parents begged me never to put him in a home': I have taken care of my disabled brother my entire life. Am I doing enough?
Can I stop my kids from using their inheritance to support political causes I vehemently oppose?
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-Quentin Fottrell
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March 19, 2026 07:40 ET (11:40 GMT)
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