MW My friend was laid off from our company, but I wasn't. How should I console her?
By Aditi Shrikant
'I'm experiencing survivor's guilt and anxiety'
"What are some things people want to hear from their friends after they are laid off?" (Photo subjects are models.)
Dear Dollar Signs,
My friend and I work at the same company. She was laid off, but I wasn't. How can I approach my job after company layoffs? I'm experiencing survivor's guilt and anxiety about going back after so much has changed.
I don't know how to console her. It's similar to when someone is going through a loss and you don't know what to say. Should I go with the positivity route and tell her that everything will work out for the best? Or should I go with the "screw them" route?
What are some things people want to hear from their friends after they are laid off?
Just Trying to Help
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Dear Trying,
This is a tough position for your friend, and one many Americans are likely experiencing.
The unemployment rate was 4.3% in January, down slightly from 4.4% the previous month, according to data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics. The number of long-term unemployed people (those out of work for at least 27 weeks) makes up a quarter of all unemployed people; at 1.8 million, it was largely unchanged from the prior month, but up 386,000 from last year.
I understand the "Why her and not me?" feeling of guilt that often accompanies layoffs, especially when the decision of who was let go doesn't seem logical or fair. But guilt implies fault, and I want you to try as best you can to shed that burden. Layoffs happen. It was not your responsibility to ensure that she wasn't let go.
You can empathize with your friend without demonizing your own position or patronizing her by saying everything will be OK. Sometimes, when a friend has experienced a blow to their ego, they just want someone to listen.
Validate your friend's emotions, and help her focus on new opportunities. Ask what kinds of jobs she is looking for or if she wants to take some time off. Of course, some anger and frustration will come out during these talks, but long-term wallowing and ruminating on perceived unfairness can be more damaging than the layoff itself.
There are also some phrases to avoid. Platitudes, by their nature, can come off as flippant. No one going through a breakup, for instance, has ever felt better after being told, "There are plenty of fish in the sea." The same can be said about job hunting. Your friend will find something else; she doesn't need a trite saying to confirm that.
Stay away from comments that center on you or your feelings, says Brandon Smith, a counselor known as The Workplace Therapist. "Any kind of reaction or response that is going to make it more about you than them - or anything that is going to put them in a victim position instead of an agency position - is bad," he says.
Telling your friend, "Oh, you're so much better off; it's miserable here," might seem supportive, but it is actually tone-deaf and infuriating. Being paid at a terrible job is much better than not being paid at all. They just lost their income. Don't make it about you.
And right now, we are in a "low fire, low hire" economy, meaning that people are staying at their jobs longer. So, it's likely she'll be unemployed for a bit longer than she would be if market conditions were different.
As an aside, focusing on your own future (after this conversation with your friend) might quell some of your anxieties. After personnel changes, the first thing you should do is check in with your boss, Smith says. Ask if the scope of your job, day-to-day tasks or long-term expectations have changed.
"Don't sit back and say, 'I'll do what I was doing before,'" Smith says. "Get clear guidance on what's changed, if anything." Redirecting your focus from what your team looked like before the layoffs to what you need to do going forward can help shake you out of a toxic head space.
In the meantime, offer to connect her with your professional network and/or offer to help her update her résumé and review cover letters, to name a few things. What makes her unique? What achievements has she had in her job? What hobbies would stand out? You could even practice tough "interviews." At the same time, you need to keep your own boundaries in place.
You clearly care deeply about this friend's happiness. By focusing on the future and helping her do the same, you can avoid sliding into an unproductive and unpleasant dynamic.
Write to Dollar Signs at dollarsigns@marketwatch.com.
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-Aditi Shrikant
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March 19, 2026 10:26 ET (14:26 GMT)
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