By Steve Garmhausen
If you're a parent or grandparent you have probably struggled at times to understand the way younger generations communicate. But the challenges of intergenerational communication extend far beyond an ever-changing lexicon of slang. As a recent study by the J.P. Morgan Family Wealth Institute found, the ways different generations discuss and even think about wealth can vary widely. "The research found that seven out of 10 respondents struggle to discuss wealth within their families," says Jessica Douieb, head of wealth partners and family wealth services at J.P. Morgan Wealth Management. "This is because wealth can be incredibly complex, and it's especially challenging when people are looking at it from different perspectives."
Speaking with Barron's Advisor, Douieb, who helped write " The Quiet Disconnect in Family Wealth Conversations," based on a survey of 300 ultrahigh-net worth respondents, reveals the hurdles to healthy discussions about wealth, from hidden worries about fairness to fears of broaching the topic too early. She explains how advisors can help get families talking. And she argues that families should discuss wealth not in one or two comprehensive conversations but gradually and continually over time.
The survey revealed that various generations define wealth differently. How so? Not only does wealth mean different things by generation, but it means different things to each individual. The traditional meaning of wealth is associated with money, but the word means much more than the numbers. Wealth can refer to time, health, relationships, and purpose.
And then everyone has a different psychology of money based on how they were raised. Each of us has grown up with money differently, so the way we think about it can be different. Even siblings can think about money differently based on experiences they've had. Maybe Grandma said something to me one day that influenced how I think about money. Maybe you had a different discussion with your parents about money.
The research really shows that wealth is a slippery concept. The way the matriarch or patriarch thinks about wealth is going to be different from how their children or grandchildren think about wealth. We found that the millennials and Gen Zers tend to associate wealth with freedom, while the boomers define it as security. Gen Xers have to switch between the two, and they define it as both security and freedom.
How can those differing definitions cause problems within a family? The research found that seven out of 10 respondents struggle to discuss wealth within their families. This is because wealth can be incredibly complex, and it's especially challenging when people are looking at it from different perspectives. Misunderstandings can start with communication styles. Often, the boomer communicates in a more conventional way. Maybe it's a face-to-face conversation; maybe it's a little more formal. Millennials and especially Gen Zers try to do things a little more digitally. They also want less formality. The Gen Xers are sandwiched in the middle, trying to connect to the two.
The study also found different emotional patterns among generations when family wealth is being discussed. Can you explain what that means? Wealth can evoke a lot of powerful emotions. It's a very personal topic. It can be pride, it can be worry. There are emotions around perceived fairness. We found that you can have a very positive emotion, and then as you think more it can become negative. For example our millennial and Gen Z respondents think of wealth as autonomy. When they think about it, this autonomy is then juxtaposed with uncertainty. They think, wait a minute, how do I step into this financial leadership role? So they go from feeling very autonomous to feeling quite uncertain.
The Gen Xers think of family wealth as responsibility in a positive way. They have a great responsibility to maintain and maybe grow that wealth. The flip side of that is a feeling of emotional fatigue. They're constantly acting in the middle, trying to manage between their children and their parents, to communicate, to ensure that values are aligned and so forth. Boomers feel great pride around wealth. They're oftentimes the wealth creator. But that pride can turn into the emotion of worry, about how future generations will carry the wealth forward.
The study found that conversations about wealth can be more stressful for millennials and Gen Z than for boomers. What's that all about? We didn't specifically ask them why it's more stressful. But I think we can extrapolate from the data that the younger generation often feels they're lacking information. If you have maybe some information but not all of it, you can experience stress and anxiety. The research found that these knowledge gaps were a key challenge. Families should start having the discussion. The goal is to be more open and ongoing with the communication, so younger generations don't feel confused or frustrated or left in the dark.
What are some of the major hurdles to healthy conversations about wealth? The first one is perceived fairness. Each family member can have their own feelings about being treated fairly. One might believe, for example, that they're contributing more time or effort in managing the family wealth or taking care of family members and that they're receiving unequal treatment or that their role is going unacknowledged. Another big one is whether they're in the family business. Let's say that of three siblings, maybe two are heavily involved in the family business, and one has decided it's not of interest to them. So how do the parents treat the children "fairly"?
The second is the partial communication. This is fragmented discussions, stuff being disclosed in a piecemeal form without much transparency. There may be situations where some family members are told something and others are not. Timing and the message can both be out of sync. Different family members can feel frustrated by partial communication, and we also hear a lot about, surprisingly, just total avoidance. In that situation, a family member might learn key information only after a crisis.
Another is confusion in assessing readiness. This is where the older generation are waiting for the signs of maturity before passing on the decision-making powers to younger family members. At the same time, the younger generation is absolutely craving transparency and involvement. They want a clear road map. And they don't even understand: What are those signs of maturity that my older family members are looking for in me?
What are the biggest gaps between what younger family members want to know about the family wealth and what older generations are comfortable sharing? In our research we found that 87% of millennials and Gen Zers truly value discussing family wealth and financial matters. They want to have the conversation. They want to be involved. They want clarity about their roles and responsibilities. But we also learned that nearly a third of boomers don't want to have the conversation at all.
We found that the wealth holders often feel this pressure to protect and preserve the wealth they have worked so hard to build. The older generation rightfully want to preserve and protect the world they've built. They worry about how the future generations are going to carry their legacy forward. A lot of the wealth creators are hesitant to share these specifics because they don't want conflict within the family, and they also don't want their children or grandchildren feeling incredibly entitled with this wealth. This is where that partial communication or avoidance of communication can come about.
What is the difference between transactional conversations and connecting conversations about wealth? Transactional conversations are one-off conversations when a significant life event happens. Healthy and proactive family wealth conversations take years; they're not just moments. You have to invest the time.
Families should strive to have these connecting conversations as early and as regularly as possible. We would suggest that families create shared experiences. One of the most common straightforward shared experiences is a multigenerational vacation or holiday. An annual family trip or coming together for grandma and grandpa's anniversary or you name it can be incredibly positive and ongoing. Those more relaxed environments can be a safe place where family members can open up and talk about these things. So a shared philanthropic project is a great way to have an ongoing discussion about wealth. It's not about how much do we have. It's much more about what legacy we as a family are going to leave. How are we going to impact our community? It gives the younger generation an opportunity to work with other family members, and it gives them actionable next steps. It keeps everybody moving along with a goal in mind, which is really nice. If older generations see their children or grandchildren working in this context, it can give them a sense of confidence that they're ready to have these discussions and take on stewardship of the family wealth.
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